Rosa Reads

Things that I swear are honestly really genuinely going to appear on this blog in the not-too-distant future:

• A review of James Joyce’s The Dubliners.
• A post about my literary adventures in Dublin.
• A review of Téa Obreht’s The Tiger’s Wife.
• A review of Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita.
• A review of Yann Martel’s Life of Pi.
• The beginning of my Apple Books feature.
• A review of the Hunger Games trilogy.

Dear everyone who told me to read The Hunger Games,

Screw you.

I have now had about eight hours of sleep in the last three days and have done no work on my essay that’s due in for Wednesday.

This is due to spending my days piddling around on the internet and pretending to work, and then spending my nights reading these bloody books.

I hope you’re all pleased with yourselves.

Regards,

Rosa.

excaliburned asked: Oi, dickface, young adult fiction is my FAVOURITE THING EVER. And as we both know I have no problem getting laid. Also, you should know that the Hunger Games books are only okay, whilst I think John Green's books are genuinely wonderful. But the HG books are a fun read. I have them all if you want them?

Right, so here’s the thing…

Last night I downloaded the Kindle app on my iPad and bought The Hunger Games (for like £2.70! What an invention - prevents people from seeing what you’re reading and is a quarter of the price!). I watched The Apprentice in Claire’s bed until 1am. I then proceeded to read until 4:30am.

I have now finished the first book.

I have a bloody essay to write.

I knew these books were dangerous.

…Also, dickface yourself.

Anonymous asked: Sorry, I didn't mean to seem like I was on a high horse. To each their own, as far as genre is concerned. Example, I don't read romance, because I don't like it. But if I saw one that caught my attention, I wouldn't write it off because I don't typically read romance. I was just saying if you find it interesting, you might as well read it. The Hunger Games was a good series. And the movie was pretty good, too.

That’s completely alright, Anon, I’m just a very irritating and snippy person who tries to be funny and sarky too much to be likeable.

(And, according to one message I just got - also a “book snob” who needs to “stifle [my] ego for a while”. I’m afraid I won’t be posting this one, but I suppose that’s what I get for attacking a brand new fandom.)

You are, of course, completely right. And that’s why I’ll almost certainly end up reading The Hunger Games.

THERE, ARE WE ALL HAPPY NOW? I’LL DO IT, I’LL READ THEM.

Still not touching John Green, though. Much too popular.

theworldworshipstheoriginal asked: I'm 22. I've read the HG series, and watched the film, loved all of them. I am too somewhat of a literary snob. But sometimes you gotta relax and just enjoy a good read. It's like cheesy pop - you know it's kinda bad, but at 2am drunk with you friends, it's the best thing ever. Oh, and yeah. I do get laid.

This is pretty much the response I wanted. I just wanted some enablers, you guys.

Oh also? You have the same doggie as me if this is your dog. How exciting. Also you appear to be Swedish and if I’m correct then I’m very proud of myself that I correctly identified both the language in that post and also translated without the help of the interwebs because I am excellent.

Anonymous asked: I have to say, I think that the fact that you won't read YA is a little silly. I'm 23 and I read it. Also, some of the YA that has come out recently is extremely well written, with a lot of meaning and some of it is much better than some of the adult fiction that I have read recently. If it's something that you think you may find interesting, read it. It shouldn't matter what genre it is or whether there is a movie out about it. Oh, and reading YA doesn't mean you won't get laid. Trust me.

I knew I’d get these kind of replies. IT’S FUNNY, YOU GUYS. I’M A FUNNY PERSON.

People take stuff so seriously. Yeah yeah yeah, I know I’m being silly, but it’s allowed, okay? No need for high horses and morality on this blog, y’all.

Also everyone who has sent me a message about this has ended it with a reassurance that they are, in fact, getting laid. This is very funny to me.

You guys I have a serious issue.

So here’s the thing. It’s a guilty thing and a bad thing and I’m sorry but -

I think I want to read The Hunger Games.

Here are my issues:

1. I want to read it because everyone else is reading it. This is wrong and bad.
2. I want to read it because the film looks good. This is wronger and badder.
3. I want to read it because I have a crush on the actress who plays the lead in the film. This is the wrongest and baddest.
4. The other thing that is wrong and bad about the whole situation is that it’s Young Adult Fiction, a genre that deserves those harsh capitals and I DON’T CARE IF THIS MAKES ME SOUND INTELLECTUALLY SNOBBY AND SMUG BUT I RECKON I’M A BIT BEYOND YOUNG ADULT FICTION THESE DAYS.

So. What do I do? Do I succumb (because I reckon I’ll get pleasure from reading them and then I get to watch Jennifer Lawrence in the film without feeling supremely guilty for not reading it first)? Or do I stick by my ridiculous guns and not read them and thereby avoid feeling EVEN GUILTIER (because let’s be honest I don’t want to be the kind of 21-year-old who reads Young Adult Fiction because those people never get laid and just so you know Harry Potter is exempt from this because I grew up with that shit and also shut up there are rules for this kind of thing and I came up with them)?

Final Review: A Week In December

I was predisposed to dislike Sebastian Faulks, thanks to the fact that I am wanky and pretentious and listen to books podcasts. The particular one relevant here was one done by Mariella Frostrup and contained a review of the TV series Faulks On Fiction, in which she complained about how he failed to include any women in his “Heroes” episode, due to the fact he believed that they belonged in the “Heroines” section…which didn’t actually exist. Anyway, I had it in my head that he was a misogynist dick and therefore I would dislike his books. So obviously I read one.

I don’t know whether he’s really a misogynist or not, but he is certainly prone to arrogance and narrow-mindedness. I found that A Week in December was full of characters that were barely more than stereotypes. He seemed not to realise that writing about ‘real’ people does not have to mean writing about unexceptional people with very little depth. Similarly, all his female characters were utterly unconvincing, and even as supposed protagonists (Jenni, for example) lacked proper character development and were almost always seen through the eyes of male characters.

This total blandness was also evident in his style. Although he had clearly meticulously researched the various areas covered, it became ‘realism’ to the point of sheer mundanity. For example, when talking about John Veals’ banking business, there were some purely technical descriptions of dull financial transactions - not just the jargon often found in crime novels, but honest-to-god blow-by-blow drivel. A total and complete lack of poetry; no beauty to it whatsoever.

Honestly, the main feeling this book elicited from me was one of “Alright, I get the point”. He just labours everything; flogs it to the point where there’s no pleasure in it at all.

And not that I consider this the benchmark of great literature, but you could NEVER have this as a book club book - because there’s nothing to discuss and you could never say anything innovative or original about it. Every theme is spelled out, the limited number of traits he assigns his characters have been fully exploited. Only the stupidest book group in the world would ever bother. (Richard and Judy, you want to have a go?)

I don’t know whether you noticed, but I didn’t really enjoy this book. And despite being desperate to see the BBC’s adaptation of Birdsong, my extreme aversion to watching-without-reading-first compels me to declare that I will not be seeing it. There is nothing that could induce me to touch another Sebastian Faulks for quite some time.

Final Review of Final Review: Next time, I’ll listen to Mariella Frostrup. Fuck Faulks.